-2/15/2023
I watched Minnie Driver talk on her Instagram about getting older and how her mother had told her, “This may be the oldest you’ve ever been, but it’ll be the youngest you’ll ever be again.” My eyes got big as this information snuggled into my brain. The youngest I’ll ever be again… Wow… I will come back to this.
Frankly, I don’t like aging. Oprah had asked Cher when she was 68 years old, what were her thoughts about getting older. Cher exclaimed, “It sucks!” It was a good laugh and Oprah continued on and asked, “Not that you become more enlightened, or …?” And Cher reiterated, “No, no. It sucks.” I’m with Cher. However, what’s the alternative? That’s what people say. But if you weren’t aging, what’s the alternative? You mean to tell me there isn’t a potion I could drink that will keep me 37 (soon to be 38 in four days) forever? That’s lame.
I am trying to be positive about aging because everyone is right, it’s not like we can stop it. The ultimate gut wrencher, however, isn’t that my skin and boobs will sag, or that you’ll see more lines on my face than my actual face, or that my already prominent nose will get even larger, or that the scoliosis in my back will become more evident. It’s that knowledge of what happens at the end of the line. Death. Typing the word my anxiety shot up about 50 points. And it’s more so thinking about losing a parent. Knowing that one day, it will come to where I’ll have to say goodbye to one of them. Anyone else tear up just now and become verklempt? **Wooooo… this is when I tell myself to breathe…**… Ahem… So, it’s the thought of losing those who matter most to me… A sibling. A close relative or friend. My husband. Then, there’s the knowledge that my children will ultimately lose me. (I know. I made it to where I’d die after my husband. I know. I decided that’s the best way. Lol. Really, it’s only because I’m a mother. It’s all the cells in my body that are synced up with my children that go berserk at the very thought that they will no longer have me one day. So, it’s my solid plan to die last.) I do want to take the time and genuinely give my sympathy to anyone who has ever lost a parent or a loved one. I know it’s soul crushing and I truly admire your courage and strength. You are amazing.
Going back to what I heard Driver say, how this will be the youngest we will ever be again, well that just makes me want to go out into the world and do something wild and exhilarating! It’s now or never, right?! Who wants to be my adventure seeker friends?! I’m not sure what I want to do, but maybe something ridiculous like… streaking during a sporting event. (I can already hear my mother exclaim out loud, “JESSICA!” haha) However, I am a mother of two and I ought to lead by good example, **sigh**… I guess I’ll have to settle for dying my hair a Marilyn Monroe platinum blonde today at a salon. This could go either amazingly well, or I will instantly regret it. This is living life on the edge at 37!
I am a true believer in living the life you want to live. Yet, I understand that certain obligations tether us so that the things we want to do seem nearly impossible. I wonder what some people would choose to do if they had zero obligations for a week and enough money to do anything they wanted. Would they choose extravagance? Would they travel? What would they want to see? Would they seek excitement or tranquility? Would they want to reunite with family or a loved one? Would they disappear on a tropical island or a mountain peak? Or would they just choose to be more present in their own lives while staying at home, sleeping in, and buying lots of take out? However one would choose to spend their time, I think we all deserve it.
I really want to make this life of mine “count.” My two babies are my life’s blessing, but I do have other needs and desires outside of motherhood, which I think many women can relate. I already have some regrets (I’m human) and I want to try my best to live the rest of my life with intention and purpose. Since I’ll never be this young again, what if I write out a list of things I wanted to try and things that I want to do, and do one of them a day? Would this be obtainable? Or is that impossible? This could be a very interesting blog… (I’m clearly thinking out loud as I type this.) I think it could be as small as wanting to try a new food, or as grand as going to Paris and seeing the Eiffel Tower… I’m going to try it. What if we did this together? We can start a movement on social media! We can create a new hashtag, #onlythisyoungonce333. (I looked it up and the #onlythisyoungonce is already a popular hashtag, so I added my favorite 3’s.) We don’t have to post every day. We can post occasionally after checking things off our lists for multiple days in a row. We can share the most interesting, or the most fun, or the most peculiar things we’ve tried. I would love to read about them all! And if I’m the only one on this hashtag, well, you can have fun reading about mine! 😊
This blog was very organic, as I didn’t really know where it was going to lead me, but I’m happy with where I ended up. If we are only going to be this young once, all the while juggling our daily responsibilities and obligations, then let’s funk it up! Let us have fun with it! Why not? We can’t outrun what no one wants to think about. And I’m too **YOUNG** to give a damn anymore.
